Apr 2 @ 0.25am
Time flies. One year passed away . . .
when I am sitting down here and clearing out my past year's memories and feelings, what impressed me most is to know the GOD and be with the Family, even though I am not so far as familiar with the Bible and GOD as the rest of my Family.
Frankly, up to now, I do not go to service each Sunday, and go to cell group meeting each week. I left so little time to GOD. I have to admit that I was just at the beginning line of the way - I just think like that, when I am in trouble, I please GOD help me; or when I am tired of my job, I say oh my Jesus give me power; or the happiest time to me is to say Thanks GOD, my boss fly. Most of time, I am tired of the job, no fixed regulations to follow, no fixed plans and schedule to arrange own time, no idea when the boss want to check the job or even no confidence how to do things. I am just tired of all the things and so scared to arrange own time and at last I just do nothing. I feel no power and no energy to change anything.
But until last Sunday ( March 28, 2010), a series of accidents occurred to me. At first, I tell myself I must go to Church this Sunday no matter how I am tired. I did, from 6.30 coming out of home, until 12 pm end. I was there, all very normal. You all asked me if I am ok. Ee shien asked me, cared about me and found another Sister help me do the Dang pray. After that, two things shocked me - first is the moment we all stand together praying for the babe - just on second I feel our life is so fragile; another is I saw Ee shien cry. I do not know the reason, but I was shocked and one moment I know each person has their own sufferings, pains, sadness, problems ...
Then on Monday morning, I read the book Ee shien gave me "The Purpose Driven Life"-chapter 35, I just looked through and read this Chapter. The content shocked me. From this chapter, got the clue - "We are weak... yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you. 2 Corinthians I3:4 (NIV)". God loves to use weak people! Why? I continue to read and like to share some wonderful thoughts with you.
God deliberately allowed them in our life, for the purpose to demonstrate his power through us. "The real power comes from God and not from us". Paul once said " I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses." I am amazed at these sentences. I never thought it is like this, which is totally opposite to our normal rules. We are educated since we were children to study better than the other classmates. We never thought like we were weaker. But now I learned - admit our weaknesses. Be honest about ourselves.
For me, I am not good at communication. I am even a bit scared of taking, esp calling client to enquire of something. I still cannot speak like locals. That's my most headache and obstacle. I am the kind of person sitting down there quietly, checking the documents I had, and if tally with the regulations by the government. I am afraid to be interrupted by another thing, and be very impatient by the interruption and need much more time to come back into my own job. I do not know how to deal with those seemingly very small things and think everything serious. I want to hide when I have troubles and do not want anybody see my hurt, just be alone, licking my hurt and recovering by myself. That's not helpful to solve the problems. Because I do not change anything. Not change myself, not change my style of thinking ... next time I will encounter the same problem just in different forms.
Up to now, I know I can admit, and I can depend on God. Just like Paul said," I am quite happy about 'the thorn',... for when I am weak, then I am strong - the less I have, the more I depend on him." Whenever I feel weak, God is reminding me to depend on him.
After finishing reading the chapter, I read Ee shien sharing of G12 on Wed night and felt more deeply that we were all weak, compared to God. We need Him, his power, and be used by him, to serve him. God works best when I admit my weakness.
